Coming to Israel was my semi. I was living a life, the only one I have ever known and then all the sudden I was on a plane to Israel.
My intentions coming to Israel were to escape. To use a dark analogy; I was like the person who intentionally drives into the semi hoping to explode. And I did. I exploded from within. With a new life, new opinions, new thoughts, dreams, and hopes. Don’t get me wrong, escaping from reality wasn’t the only reason I came to Israel, but it was definitely a major aspect.
Over the past four months, I have been introduced into Israeli culture. Into the life that my people are living so many miles away from my home. Before you go to Israel you can’t even imagine what it is like. I couldn’t. When you are in America you hear all these things about the Middle East. Most people hear of bombs dropping and wars, tanks blowing up and you don’t really think of normal life. I didn’t think about all that. I didn’t think anything really. I kinda just assumed I was going to live in a desert.
When you get here everything is different. Yes there are bomb shelters, and yes there are sirens that go off in parts of the country to run to these shelters. Yes there is army soldiers everywhere, always armed with large guns. Yes the security at malls and general places is much tighter. Yes in the news there is always reports of bombings in the South, near Gaza. But I have not felt unsafe one day in Israel. When you are here you don’t think of bombs. You think of the rich culture. You go to Ein Karem and watch the Christians going to church, the tourists visiting holy Jesus sights. You go to Tel Aviv and look at cool art, swim in the ocean, sun tan and life is a giant party. You go to the North and look at the beautiful landscape, the green grass, trees, and flowers. You go to the market, the shook, and barter with sales men, buying beautiful scarves, jewelry, and delicious food. The culture, land and life here is so beautiful and full.
I remember the moment I stopped texting friends and family at home saying, “headed back to the kibbutz” and started saying, “headed back home”. And its true over the past four months, Kibbutz Tzuba has become a second home to me. But no matter how much of a home it is to me, the bottom line is, its a second home.
My first home is in America. I never fully appreciated America until I came here. I never knew what I had, the little things, that I love so much and can’t get elsewhere. Some examples are: salt and vinegar chips, bacon, ice cubes, clothing drier, the price of gas, TV diners, Netflix, 7 hours of school (opposed to 11), and other small things. The things that I have listed aren’t absent here completely, or maybe they are, but they are things that aren’t common, or at least aren’t common for my life here. Being across the world from my family has also made me appreciate them so much more. They were already so important to me, but now they are even more important in my life.
The thing is, my friends and family are in America. If my friends and family were here than maybe things would be different. Maybe this would be home to me. My first home. But home is where the heart is, and my heart is with my loved ones, back in New Mexico.
Coming here completely changed my life. It opened me up to thinking about new things. It gave me distance from my problems at home to step back and think about my life and how I need to do things from here on out. It also helped me to connect to who I am both as a Jew and as a human in general.
In the future I know I will have some connection with Israel. Whether it will be visiting my EIE friends who in the future may make Aliya and the friends I have made that live here, visiting my mom who hopes to move her, or just coming to get back to the land. I know that this will not be my last time in Israel. I also know that I want to keep in touch with what is going on here. I want to keep up with the politics and follow the peace talks. I also want to be an advocate for Israel back home and educate my secular community as well as my Jewish community. I want people to be aware that Israel is not a giant war zone.
I think that this trip has also made me want to keep more in touch with my Judaism as I go on in life. If you know me on a personal level, or just have heard me talk/ give speeches, and so on... then you probably know that I do not believe in god. But my connection to Judaism and my community has not been effected by this. This experience has made me want to continue being Jewish and if I somehow end up to have children one day (which everyone who knows me knows that is not one of my priority at all!!!) then I want them to have the option to grow up Jewish and at least have some aspect of Judaism in their lives. I want them to have an option but I would like them to know about Judaism too.
I would have to say that this trip has changed my life. This trip has been the passing semi that happened to crash into me. And I am very grateful.
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